The server was definitely not miss personality but given the fact that it was almost 9:00, I let it go. I explained our delay in ordering by telling her I had food allergies and had to make a careful choice. I was looking at some kind of broiled fish like shrimp, scallops and salmon which the menu said was broiled in herb butter. I asked her if it was really just herbs and butter and she said yes so I ordered that with a plain baked potato.

When I tasted my food it was obvious there was wine in the herb butter. Although I was disappointed, I didn’t complain or send it back. You may be thinking, “but the alcohol burns off in cooking”  but the alcohol is not the problem. It’s the fermentation process and sugar. I was annoyed but I hoped it was also pretty minor in the scheme of things so I sucked it up and ate the dinner which was pretty good.

We paid the bill and on the way out I asked to see the manager. My intent was simply to inform him of what happened and hopefully get him to educate his servers a bit more, improving things for the next patron with dietary concerns. Which, at that point, still may have been me.

Not a chance now.

I explained very nicely that I have food allergies. I told him the menu said and the server confirmed that “herb butter” was nothing but herbs and butter but in fact, I could taste the wine. Before I could say anymore, he cut me off and told me it was my responsibility to tell the server exactly what my allergies were. I was pretty surprised at his defensive posture and tried to explain the situation further to get him to understand, to no avail. 

I was not asking him to adjust the bill, I had already paid. I certainly had no intention of suing the restaurant. I wasn’t even upset, I was simply trying to provide some feedback that may help him run a better establishment that caters to all kinds of customers. But he wasn’t interested in listening. He just kept saying it was my fault for not being specific with the server about what I could not eat. Obviously I should have been and I will know better next time. 

But this guy could not have cared less about me or my point.  I wasn’t being unreasonable or making a scene and still I was not treated with respect or caring. This guy took no responsibility whatsoever. He did not apologize or say he would remind servers about the importance of food allergies and of disclosing ingredients. He showed no empathy whatsoever toward me or my situation. And he’s a manager?? Wow, nice people skills dude! Who trained you in customer service?

Seeing me raise my hands in defeat, the friend who was with me tried his hand at getting the guy to understand but I stopped him, saying, “forget it, we’re wasting our time, he doesn’t care.” and I pulled him out of there.  

It is a huge pain in the ass to eat this way, especially when I go out. Then people like this bonehead make me feel I should just stay home rather than inconvenience restaurants and their employees.

No one is more deserving of my Bonehead of the Week award!

What do you think?

When you are talking with someone, on the phone or especially in person, IT IS RUDE to take a call from someone else.

 How many times in the last month have you been talking with someone and were asked to hold while the person took another call? How did you feel? Like your dialogue was uninteresting? Like the other party was more important than you? How long were you kept waiting? I had one person say to me when we were “beeped” in on, “ I don’t know who this is. Hang on”. I was less important than a stranger!

Many people are simply incapable of ignoring a ringing phone.  In the company of another, this can be very rude. During work, it can hurt their own productivity. A few reasons to ignore a ringing phone:

• Your agenda remains the priority. Why let the needs of a random caller interupt your work flow? 
• Hopefully the caller will leave a detailed voice mail, allowing you to get answers or take action before calling them back  thereby having one efficient call instead of two possibly more lengthy ones.
• Maybe the caller will bother someone else! If you are always available, why would they?
• Voice mail exists for a good reason.

Of course there are circumstances (a call from the doctor or from the school regarding your child) in which it is fine to take an incoming call when you are “with” someone. But do use good judgement as to whether it warrants the interruption. If you truly need to answer the call, they key is to do it with grace and thoughtfulness.  

• If you are expecting an important call, say so ahead of time and explain that is the only call you will take.
• Be brief. If you must take the call, explain to the caller that you are with someone, then make the conversation as brief as possible.
• Don’t leave people on hold! If it’s going to be more than a few seconds, arrange to call back later.
• When you’ve finished the call, apologize for the interuption.
• Quickly resume the conversation you were having before the interuption.

This is polite. It makes people feel good. Like you care. Like you are really listening to what they have to say. If this is not true, fake it or disengage graciously.

Answering every call has become a norm with many young people. Just because it is accepted behavior within their circles, does not not mean it is a generally accepted practice. It’s not and I hope it never is. And the danger is that it becomes such a habit for them that they answer the phone anytime, anywhere without question. This is sure to leave a bad impression or offend.

 I will bet sombeody out there could make a pretty good argument for answering every call, especially in certain types of businesses. But as a friend of mine says, ” You’re just not that important!”

I’d love to know. What are your thoughts on this phone thing?

You know how people rush to the front as soon as the presentation is over. A line was quickly forming so I used the ladies room, arranged to meet a friend in the bar and chatted with a few people I knew in the hopes that meanwhile the line would be dwindling. I joined the line behind about six people who were still waiting. This was an uptight line. Instead of chatting with one another about the presentation people were riveted on the person who had the speaker’s ear, literally willing them to hurry up, looking like if they took their eyes off them, someone would cut in front of them in line. What kills me is this.  When they finally got their turn, not one of those people seemed to remember that others were still waiting. 

Everyone there had a right to a few words with the speaker as long as she was willing. And it’s very powerful when you meet someone who “gets it”, especially when you’re feeling alone and misunderstood. But a FEW words is what should be exchanged here people. This is not the appropriate time or place to tell your life story, get a diagnosis, or enjoy a private audience with an expert. Other people are also waiting. One after another these people monopolized this woman as if her sole purpose that night was to meet them, listen to them, advise them.  They seemed completely oblivious to the line behind them where moments ago they too had been waiting.

 The woman directly in front of me was the worst offender. Or maybe it just seemed that way ’cause I was next! She went on and on with her diatribe in hushed tones so no one would overhear. THREE times I heard the speaker tell her to enter her contact information on the evaluation form and she would be in touch. Sounds like a pretty clear “we’re done here” if ever I’ve heard one. But do you think she got it? The presenter’s daughter even interupted them once, clutching her school books and asking when they could go ’cause she was tired and STILL the woman kept going. Unbelievable.

It was now 35 minutes after the program was supposed to finish up. I felt bad enough for the kid that I almost gave up (in?) and walked away without introducing myself at all.  Granted, the speaker could have asserted a little more control and moved people along. And ADHD can cause some people to have difficulty picking up on these subtle signals, reading body language, etc. But sometimes, people are just plain rude.

How do you behave/react in these types of situations? 

The employee is going to lose their job and suddenly be faced with an uncertain future, worries about supporting their family, stress of finding another job and meeting financial obligations, all with a bruised ego. And the boss won’t tell him in person because it’s inconvenient? Are you kidding me? Whose feelings are more important here?

Obviously telling someone they no longer have a job is not an easy thing to do but delivering that news via email is really cowardly. The only way to salvage any good feeling at all from this situation is to talk with the employee in person and explain the decision with as much empathy and support as you can muster. How could you do anything else?

Not to mention the fact that you  never know under what circumstances you may run into this former employee again. Tempted as I might be to twist out this ugly job responsibility, I would much rather be remembered for my caring and integrity than for the crummy way I treated another person, wouldn’t you?