My clients in sales, who rely on commissions, are particularly reluctant to go away. They worry about money, about missing deals, about losing momentum, and about not being there for their clients. They feel major guilt.

Guilt: A fairly useless emotion which can lead to bad decisions and an inability to enjoy life. Or vacations.

As I told one of them this morning……..in no uncertain terms (big surprise)…… No, you should not bring your laptop to the beach. No you should not be making calls or setting appointments while away. He asked, “Can I say on my voice mail that I’ll be checking messages while out of the office?” NO!

No, No, No. Just get away. You are not that important. People will deal with it.

Leave this info on your voice mail; Specific to your clients and industry of course.

•  I will be unavailable for the week and NOT checking messages.
• If you need immediate assistance, please hit zero.
• Remember, if you need information or want to make simple changes, you can access your account through my web site.
• I will be back in the office on (provide date) and will return your call then.

Make sure to set some appointments for the week you return. Having potential business to look forward to will help you relax while you’re away and having meetings on your calendar for the week you return will help you shift back into work mode. 

Don’t forget to put up an auto responder message for email. One client neglected to do this last year and ended up working on his vacation because of it! Cover your bases so you can relax. Don’t bring your phone everywhere with you on vacation. And if you have a Blackberry or iPhone, resist the urge to read every correspondence.

RELAX. DISENGAGE. LET PEOPLE MISS YOU.

You are that important; To yourself.

Plan some time to be unavailable. Just not when I need you, k?

I’m sorry to tell you my passive sweeties and those of you who beat around the bush………….If you truly want to changes things, whether it’s a system or someone else’s behavior, not only do you have to speak up, you must be truthful. You have to risk pissing people off and trust that (most of the time) they not only get it, they will get over it.

A lot of people want to see change but are not willing or able to talk frankly with others about the things that aren’t working and why. They are afraid of offending them, of pissing them off, or of the repercussions. They don’t want to rock the boat and can’t see past the fear and discomfort of confrontation to a better place. If this sounds like you and you accept that……… better get used to the status quo.

Those who want control and power are counting on the fact that no one will protest. And few do. Many go around behind the backs of those they feel they can’t approach, complaining about the situation and seeking consolation from others instead of figuring out how best to address the problem.

Recently, several classmates and I, finding we had similar concerns about our class, deccided to collaborate to provide feedback to the instructors and coordinator. Our goal was simply to strengthen the program for future students. After a couple of meetings, then drafts and a flurry of email, the project fell apart.

The biggest reason for this was that some of us were willing to ”speak” the hard truth while others in the group were reluctant to. How could we expect those in charge to take a serious look at the program if we couldn’t be honest about what was not working and why?

What happens when people are hell-bent on being nice or afraid of offending others? They will dance around the truth using language that is vague and leaving people shaking their heads trying to understand the message. This is unlikely even to spark a substantive discussion much less affect change.

People can’t fix things they don’t realize are broken! Speak up. Do it kindly and diplomatically with good intentions. Of course, they may not fix them anyway and in fact may not even want to know. And maybe they will be incredibly grateful. You won’t know until you try.

If you have in mind something you’d like to try and change and are not sure how to go about it, give me a call and we can devise a strategy.

How willing are you to try?

This woman wrote in about her daughter who has had “behavioral and psychological issues her whole life”. Her daughter, now 40 and a mother herself, has been “drinking, doing drugs, becoming unemployed and spending too much money.” The police have been to their house for domestic voilence issues and this woman’s 9 year old grandson is subjected to all this.

The mother writes, “I finally blew my stack and told my daughter how I felt about her behavior. Now she won’t allow me or anyone in my family to see my grandson”.

 Since there is no going back and it is not helpful at this point to tell the woman how she might have handled it differently, “Annie’s” advice, understandably, was on what to do now.

In the interest of getting better results, I’d like to go back to a point before which she “blew her stack”.

Not saying this would definitely work as her daughter is clearly volatile but the only way to approach a situation like that is with love, not anger. It may be your only hope of getting through. That is the ultimate goal right?  To change the situation for the better and get her daughter some help?

Things to remember or presume to know:

• Her daughter is not happy
• She loves her son
• She needs help not condemnation
• She needs to know her family will stand by her while she gets the help she needs.
• She needs love, encouragement, support and belief in her ability to change things

Those of you with kids will understand this……the moments when you least want to hug them and would much rather slap them in the head, are precisely the  moments they are most in need of a hug. 

The loving conversation is the hug. Please…..

•  have this talk before you “blow your stack”
• the ultimate goal is to help not hurt, keep this in mind
• think carefully before you address these kinds of situations with anyone
• plan what you can say that will be most effective in getting through
• think about their possible reactions and your responses
• ask yourself how you can keep your emotions under control

I truly believe this mother, with a different approach,  could have gotten a better outcome. Or at least a better chance at one. Preparing to to deal with this kind of thing is an ideal time to get some coaching.

Have you ever blown it and wished you handled it differently?

Think about writing the other party a letter. A well written letter can produce powerful results. It can:

• Save reputations, friendships and jobs
• Resolve differences
• Allow you to walk away with dignity

Why write a letter?

• You will have time to collect your thoughts and think carefully about what you want to say.
• You will avoid getting into an argument before you’ve had a chance to make your case or say your piece.
• You can say everything you want to say without being interrupted or getting sidetracked.

You will have a much better chance of getting through to someone with a carefully crafted note than you ever will with a confrontational stance. Unless you’re a bully but that’s another post. 

A letter will:

• Allow the recipient time and privacy to think about your words.
• Give the recipient an opportunity to be as thoughtful about their reply.
• Permit you both to save face if there are things you regrettably said or did.

If you have tried repeatedly to talk to someone about a problem between you, to no avail; If it’s too hard to say things to their face or they interrupt or don’t really listen, a letter may be just the thing to spark a breakthrough and change things.

Sometimes it’s the best way to say things that are really hard to say.

Writing powerful and persuasive letters is one of my specialties and I’ve helped a lot of people communicate difficult things in writing. If you have a situation you think might be addressed well in writing and you don’t know quite how to begin or how to set the tone that will allow you to be heard, by all means call me and let’s work on it together. I seriously love this stuff and it gets results.

What do you have to say?

Let’s take this a step further. In your business, do you send Christmas cards and birthday cards to all your clients?  Or even to your clients’ children? I remember every single year when I was a kid I received a birthday card from my parents’ insurance agent. I had never met the guy and wouldn’t know him on the street. I thought this was stupid then and I still do.

There are people in this industry and maybe in others too, who still follow this old tradition and send, or probably have their assistant send, birthday and holiday cards to all their clients. I truly think this is largely ineffective and a waste of time.

Don’t get me wrong, a hand written card or note is classy. I love sending them and people appreciate it. There are times this is the perfect approach. And it is very different from simply signing your name on a card you didn’t choose with the recipient in mind and sending hundreds of them to everyone on a mailing list from your database. That is cold, impersonal and pretty meaningless and I have a very hard time believing it works.  

How much nicer is it to pick up the phone and give it the personal touch? Most people are just tickled to say hello and hear a sincere happy birthday wish from someone who isn’t related to them! It makes people feel special. Ask them how they plan to celebrate. With some clients, I even sing happy birthday!

For those with the difficult task of having to make sales calls all the time, these are happy calls; easy calls.  This method not only makes your clients smile and feel they matter, it gives you the opportunity for a conversation. A conversation which may reveal they want to meet with you. Or that they need your help with something. Things a card cannot do.

This is a much more personal connection to make. It saves trees and postage.

Want to try it? Who’s got a birthday tomorrow?

Bill talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are “where you want to be” as far as income. Many people tend to hang with people who are LESS successful. It feeds their ego and makes them feel “better”. And it keeps them where they are.

 Without a doubt, the strategy he talked about is a much smarter one. AND it has to be done right. Some nuances, if I may. Make sure your integrity around this is intact. Yes, surround yourself with people who are earning the income you aspire to AND make sure you like and respect these people!

On the other end, carefully evaluate those you may want to spend less time with. Weed them out gradually and don’t burn bridges. I think the trick with this strategy is to manage the delicate balance of achieving the goal while not losing the respect of others and yourself.

Ready to try this and make 2010 a banner year?

The morning goes off without a hitch and mom is really surprised. And impressed. She can’t believe he did it without her help. She kept saying this to me all morning, incredulously.

“Here’s the thing”, I told her. “You did a good thing staying in bed and letting him try this on his own. He succeeded. Now the trick is to strike the right balance with your praise. Give him just enough to feel proud of his accomplishment. Don’t go over the top or you’ll be setting set the bar too low.” 

• Don’t let on that you had serious doubts about his ability to pull this off.
• Do follow up with him, ask how it went and how he felt. Do it casually.
• Do tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness and that he should be proud of himself.
• Don’t lavish too much praise on him. You will unwittingly be setting the expectation too low.

A lot of parents and teachers these days seem to fall all over kids for accomplishing pretty simple things. Yes, we should notice and we should comment in a positive way.  Briefly, without fanfare. Anything more than that is tipping the balance toward doing them a disservice. Let them stretch.

This holds true for employees as well. Set the expectation high and most people will reach it. If you set it too low, what incentive do they have to work hard and achieve more?

Most of us don’t want to think about insurance, investments or estate planning at Christmas time. It is perfectly understandable to want to shut out all potentially unpleasant stuff and insulate oneself with cookies, gifts and cheer. The common response to a call is,“Try me back next month”. If they are feeling particularly stressed, it may even be, “in the spring”.

Since it is unlikely you will get in their door until after the holidays, here’s my advice. Don’t fight it; go with the emotion of the season.

Call your clients anyway. Use the down time to build rapport.  We know the stats are something like %80 of your business comes from clients you already have. So, do not prospect right now. Instead, call your existing clients, all of them, and simply say Merry Christmas. (Adjust for religion as appropriate).  Do not even attempt to talk business. Don’t ask for a sit down or a check in. Just wish him or her and their spouse/partner a happy holiday season, solely and sincerely. Say Happy New Year and say goodbye.

Here’s the script people.

• Tell them (in your own words) you appreciate their business and enjoy working with them.
• Thank them for their referrals (if relevant).
• Wish them (and their spouse or partner) a merry Christmas.
• Ask about their kids by name.
• You may mention that if they have any concerns they know how to reach you but make sure it’s about alleviating their worries.
• Wish them a happy new year
• Say Goodbye, take care, etc. and HANG UP.
• Leave this message on voice mail if you don’t get through.

This call should take one to two minutes. Do not resort to old habits or dialogue.  This will be hard at first because you have language you’ve been using for years to connect with people. After a few calls, you‘ll get into a rhythm and it will be easy. Your numbers may not be great for December but you will have set yourself up nicely going into the new year.

Because here’s the result and trust me I’ve seen this work. Whether you mention it or not, you will be getting your clients to think about their business with you. They will ask themselves whether they’ve had some changes in their lives that might necessitate a review of their financial positioning or goals. They will ask themselves if they need anything from you. And when the hectic holiday energy subsides, either they will call you, (wouldn’t that be nice?!)or when you call them, you will receive a  warm reception.  At the very least, they will remember how thoughtful you were to take the time to call simply to wish them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And by bringing cheer to others, you will have brightened your own mood.

And my final point……………..Call anyone only when you need or want something and they feel used. Try calling just to make them smile and measure the mileage you get outta that!

Most people don’t think of their insurance broker or financial planner as a caring friend.  If that’s how you can get them to think of you……………………you’re golden. Just make sure that is in fact what you are.

P.S. One of the services I provide is listening in on sales calls and providing feedback, tweaking language and giving you the “spit and polish” to build great client relationships.

If you think I may be able to help you take your client relations to new heights, you know how to reach me.  Happy holidays!

P.S. Please don’t do mass mailings of holiday cards with only your signature on them. It is impersonal and for that reason, largely ineffective.

The father of a  close friend passed away last month. Services were planned for mid-week and since they live five hours away, my friend did not expect me to make the trip. She flat out told me not to come. She had a lot of family around her and she would have been alright but I just knew in my gut that being with her was the right thing.

I made the trip and stayed at her house even though I had family in the area. I told her not to bother cleaning the guest room or making food as I didn’t want to add to her burden. We went to calling hours Wed, the funeral service on Thursday and back to her mom’s house afterward for food. Her husband and daughter, brothers and sister were there as well as lots of cousins. I could easily have used her insistence that she didn’t need me as justification for staying home but she and I are close and I wanted to be there. 

The bottom line is that she had not realized how much it would comfort her to have me there. I just received a note from her saying exactly that. It meant so much to her hat I made the trip to be there with her at that really sad time. She appreciated the company, moral support (even to the extent of consulting me on her clothes!) and the fact that I was such an easy guest.

The saying goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” but sometimes you don’t know what you need til it’s there.  Know what I mean?

When you go about your business without communicating with the people around you, whether it’s your boss, co-workers or family, what are some of the assumptions they might make about you?

• you don’t care
• you are selfish and thoughtless
• you are not dependable
• maybe even that you are incompetent

These assumptions are often wrong and will give you a bad rap. But if you aren’t saying anything to the contrary or providing information  about the thoughts and motivation behind your actions, people will think what they will and you may not like what that is.

I once had a situation where the director of another department would email me requests for specific information. She always cc’d my boss. It irritated the hell out of me and made me feel like I was in kindergarten. Further, I couldn’t understand why she did it because I always followed through with whatever she needed in a timely way. I decided instead of being pissy and letting it bug me I should ask her about it. I went to her office and said, “In the interest of better working relationships, can we talk for a minute?” I explained how I felt about her cc’ing my boss on all her requests to me and asked her why she did that since I thought I had been very responsive to her. She said she had no problem whatsoever with my compliance. The only reason she was cc’ing my boss was because when she had starting giving me tasks, he got pissed that she hadn’t gone through him since I was his employee. Made perfect sense and had nothing to do with me. Annoyance gone. We were good. And if I hadn’t asked?

Communication promotes understanding and better working relationships. That’s the bottom line.

Lack of communication leads to assumptions, misunderstandings and erroneous conclusions about your character and intentions. Do you really want that?