Be nice or be heard? It’s hard to have it both ways. It can be done. If you are really skilled in dealing with people and at articulating your points without raising the ire or defenses of those to whom you appeal.

I’m sorry to tell you my passive sweeties and those of you who beat around the bush………….If you truly want to changes things, whether it’s a system or someone else’s behavior, not only do you have to speak up, you must be truthful. You have to risk pissing people off and trust that (most of the time) they not only get it, they will get over it.

A lot of people want to see change but are not willing or able to talk frankly with others about the things that aren’t working and why. They are afraid of offending them, of pissing them off, or of the repercussions. They don’t want to rock the boat and can’t see past the fear and discomfort of confrontation to a better place. If this sounds like you and you accept that……… better get used to the status quo.

Those who want control and power are counting on the fact that no one will protest. And few do. Many go around behind the backs of those they feel they can’t approach, complaining about the situation and seeking consolation from others instead of figuring out how best to address the problem.

Recently, several classmates and I, finding we had similar concerns about our class, deccided to collaborate to provide feedback to the instructors and coordinator. Our goal was simply to strengthen the program for future students. After a couple of meetings, then drafts and a flurry of email, the project fell apart.

The biggest reason for this was that some of us were willing to ”speak” the hard truth while others in the group were reluctant to. How could we expect those in charge to take a serious look at the program if we couldn’t be honest about what was not working and why?

What happens when people are hell-bent on being nice or afraid of offending others? They will dance around the truth using language that is vague and leaving people shaking their heads trying to understand the message. This is unlikely even to spark a substantive discussion much less affect change.

People can’t fix things they don’t realize are broken! Speak up. Do it kindly and diplomatically with good intentions. Of course, they may not fix them anyway and in fact may not even want to know. And maybe they will be incredibly grateful. You won’t know until you try.

If you have in mind something you’d like to try and change and are not sure how to go about it, give me a call and we can devise a strategy.

How willing are you to try?

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