We stopped for a drink last night at our favorite local hangout, www.thebeardedfrog.com . Our friend and bartender extraordinaire, Jeff, greeted us and commented on our glowing skin and relaxed demeanor. We told him we had just gotten back from a quick getaway to Florida. He asked if we had brought the kids. An emphatic, “Hell, no!” was our response, to which he raised his hand for a high five. He gets it. He is the father of three kids under the age of five. Ours are teenagers and no less delightful to leave behind.

Okay, who’s thinking right now what a selfish, irresponsible parent I am? Bite your tongue! I am betting that if you haven’t taken a vacation without your kids, you have at least fantasized about the idea. If you haven’t even considered it, please read on for some justification, practical reasoning and encouragement.

I know you love your kids and you probably feel obligated to take family vacations or at least do family activities with them a lot. Maybe you have even convinced yourself you enjoy these family getaways. You may even be able to persuade me that sometimes they can be fun, but no matter what their age, even the most charming, well-behaved, kids are still needy. Let’s face it,  with kids around, there is always commotion.

Maybe you enjoy commotion. Or maybe you tell yourself you do. I do not. A vacation to me is a rest. I wanted nothing but the beach, cocktails, naps, good food, naps, great sex, naps. Nowhere in my imagination does my perfect getaway include children. Sorry kids. That’s reality. You are a pain in the butt.

When you think about the stresses in your life, what specifically do you need a break from? For me, the kids are a part of that answer. I don’t want to hear bickering, or even talking. I don’t want to be asked for rides, money, friends over, solutions to problems with techno gadgets, dinner or to play a game. I don’t want to evaluate a single request! I don’t want to “take care” of anyone but me and my sweetie. I want to be selfish for a few days.

on the beach at sunset

This does presume of course that you have a relatively good relationship with your “other half” and that you enjoy spending time with him or her. On our trip (five short but glorious days) we agreed not to talk about kids, money, business or even our relationship. We consciously pushed these thoughts from our minds and just enjoyed being together in tranquility. If you are a single parent, this can be just as rejuvenating alone.

It is vital to nurture your relationship with yourself and as a couple from time to time. You deserve a getaway. You’ve earned it. You are not obligated to include your kids. By going away without them you will be setting a good example for them in their own future relationships. Perhaps you will all gain a fresh perspective or some new respect. Do it cheap, stay with family (assuming they don’t cause you stress) make arrangements for the kids, find a way. Even if it’s just for a long weekend.

A strong, united and loving front will help at home. And it never hurts to take the kids down a peg and remind them the world does not revolve around them. I called my daughter from the beach and got her voice mail. In the message I said, “I love you and I miss you”. Then I caught myself in that “miss you” lie and said, “actually I don’t miss you at all. I love you very much but I don’t miss you. I know you are having a great time and I am having a great time too. See you soon!”

Hopefully, when you return you will be a more relaxed parent and your kids will have experienced some valuable independence!

Ready to go?

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