Is this a good time? Do you have a few minutes? Am I interrupting anything? All very polite intros when you are calling someone to discuss a particular matter, to lament or just to chat. So why do so many people not bother to ask?

Some just don’t know any better. Some are probably afraid the person they are calling will say that yes, they are busy, thereby avoiding the call. But most people probably just get caught up in their own emotions and don’t stop to consider that it might be a bad time for whomever they’re calling.

We tend to eat late most evenings. Often people will call around 8:30 or so and just start talking, never imagining I might be getting dinner at that hour. Other people call and launch into stories so long and involved I could be getting breakfast by the time they come up for air.

It’s hard to disengage yourself without sounding cold and selfish when talking to a friend or family member in need. And although it doesn’t feel very good sometimes, I do it when I have to. If you haven’t mastered this art of extrication yet yourself, I strongly urge you to try. If you don’t find a way (tactful or not) to get off the phone you will get sucked in every time. Your agenda will become theirs and before you know it you’ll have given your evening away.

Depending on the situation, you may be okay with that but you owe it to yourself to at least make a conscious choice. And if the caller does ask if you have time to talk, don’t just say yes, tell them how much time you have. And if you have to say no, it’s not a good time, it will soften the blow if you suggest an alternate time when you are available. Unless of course you just really don’t want to hear it!

If you are the caller, it is usually in your best interest to ask whether it’s a good time to talk. Why would you want to share your exciting news or get help with a problem when you don’t have the listener’s full attention? And it’s even worse when you just get started talking only to have the person to whom you are “spilling” cut you off saying they “can’t talk now”.

One more thing to keep in mind……….Is the conversation lopsided? All about you? Make sure you are not calling people only when you need them. Give a call sometimes just to say hi, and ask about them. Let’s have some civility on both sides please.

Did you see yourself in anything written here? 

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