Yes, I’ve been eavesdropping again and this post was inspired by yet another conversation I was privy to because people are not often discreet and will say all kinds of things within earshot of others without concern for who’s listening or what they might do with the information gleened. Thank God.

So this random woman was talking to another about her son who is three years old. Given the gist of the conversation they were having, it was clear to me that the little boy they were discussing is very bright. The mom was saying that the pre-school/daycare he used to attend had closed so he had just started attending a new one. His grandmother apparently had asked him how it was going at the new place. The three year old replied in a dejected voice that it wasn’t going too well. When his grandmother asked why he told her, very matter-of-factly, “I don’t listen to the teachers”.

Well, the grandma chuckled a bit to herself but told the kid she thought he could probably do a little better with his listening. His parents’ reaction to the fact that he wasn’t listening to the teachers was to scold him mildly and tell him pretty clearly that he must pay attention to his teachers and do what they say ’cause they are in charge.  The admonitions from his grandma and his parents do have their place but I felt there was something missing here. Didn’t anyone wonder WHY he wasn’t listening?

I did. I was really curious. I fervently wished someone had asked him. I’m thinking he would have said they (the teachers) don’t know what they’re talking about! I really wanted to know. I think it may have helped him to know. Hell, it would have helped him to at least think about the question. I am sure it would have been valuable information for his parents in helping the kid adjust to the new daycare.

 I remember seeing on television a clip for some creepy reality show that depicted this boy around five or six getting all upset, throwing things, screaming, crying. His parents got really mad at him for behaving that way. They yelled and punished him, sending him to his room. They didn’t even ask him what was making him so upset! Weren’t they even the slightest bit curious about what he was feeling?

Admittedly it’s hard to get curious or be comforting when a kid is behaving like that. But isn’t it one of our jobs as parents to help kids sort out their feelings? By asking curious questions about their thoughts and behaviors we can help them begin to understand their own feelings. And once they begin to recognize when they’re feeling angry or fearful or sad we can begin talking with them about how maybe there’s a better way than tantrums to handle those feelings. They need us to teach them. 

What if the parents of that three year old boy asked a simple curious question like, “Why do you think you don’t listen to your teachers?”

What if the answer was, “I don’t like them as much as Beth and Amy at my old school.”

Now they have really good information they can use to continue a conversation about what’s different (good and bad), what he misses from the old place, etc. Here’s a chance to teach their child acceptance, open-mindedness, positive thinking and how to adapt to new situations. Which will lead to a speedier and healthier transition for him. And it won’t hurt to have those skills when he changes jobs at 35 either! 

Now if he answered, “I just wanted to see what they would do if I didn’t listen” maybe he is the one being curious. If not, you could be in for one helluva ride with this kid!

So instead of making judgments, ask a question of someone. What are you curious about?

Popularity: 54%