I am a very open person. Wear my heart on my sleeve. I remember a waiter, watching my face while he read off the dessert list, advised me never to play poker. That’s how obvious my emotions can be. I have always been right “out there” with my feelings. At times I have questioned whether or not this is good as a mom.

Aren’t moms supposed to be on top of things, have everything under control, never appear frazzled, but always composed? After all, the children are depending on them. I don’t typically hold much back and wouldn’t think twice about saying I was feeling sad or admitting to struggling with something. But I have worried whether that made my daughter feel less secure in her world. 

Once when I brought home a friend of my daughter who had spent the night, I sheepishly confessed to her parents, “I kinda yelled at your daughter. She pissed me off. But I apologized to her.” The dad just laughed and said, “but that’s why we love you, you’re so real.” I can’t tell you how relieved I was ’cause I did feel badly about it and I’ll never forget his response. Thank you George. There’s a reason those folks remain my good friends. 

After years of feeling a bit guilty about this trait of mine and thinking a mother should be calm, cool and collected, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong. I am who I am. I know better than to play poker.  What’s interesting is that my daughter would be very good at it. She is far less emotional than I which has it’s own drawbacks as she’s discovered. I guess having a mom who cries at Hallmark commercials probably sent her in the other direction! 

Oh well. I can’t worry about it anymore. I never been much good at doing what was “expected”. I’d much rather just be who I am. What’s real about you?

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