Hung around any teenagers lately? Here’s an interesting thing I’ve observed about some of them. If they don’t like someone or don’t want to do something, this, in their minds, is reason enough for the offensive person, assignment, job, etc. to simply go away. No, really.

If they don’t respect the teacher, that is somehow an excuse for not doing as well as they could in the class. If the book they are reading is dull, that is reason enough for turning in an  assignment of poor quality. If the family has plans to visit friends at the lake for the day and the teen isn’t interested in going (this is practically a given!) that apparently means he or she should not have to go. 

Huh? Why does this carry such weight? Yeah, it’s a bummer the teacher is so boring they can barely stay awake in class and it sucks that they hate the current book they’re studying and can’t wait til it’s done. But so what? In most cases, they still have to do the work, they still have to take the class. They still have to go to the lake with the fam for the day to visit friends, swim, play and relax. Bummer!

“But……. I don’t like it”, they tell you with an incredulous expression that says they’re wondering why in the world you would ask them to do something they don’t want to do. Where do they get this attitude?  Maybe it’s just an age thing. And maybe it was started long ago when parents, upon hearing such complaints naturally uttered by small children, rushed to the rescue with an immediate change of plans to appease their unhappy youngster.

When this happens children learn that any situation they are unhappy with will be immediately ”fixed” by mom and/or dad. Where does that leave them? With a penchant for whining, no coping skills to handle things on their own and an expectation that someone will always “bail” them out. Their future boss or spouse oughta love that!

Yeah, it’s important to encourage a child to voice their opinion and to really listen to what they have to say. And obviously there are situations that do require the intervention of a parent and children need be assured parents will protetct them. But from what? We should evaluate each of these situations individually and make conscious, thoughtful decisions about when it’s reasonable to intervene on behalf of our kids.

And what about the importance of teaching them how to accept things they can’t change and find some creative ways to handle the stuff they “don’t like”? As my mother would most often say when I complained about something she deemed unimportant (which was just about everything) “Tough luck kid.”  

Instead of changing or fixing it, how can you help your child deal with something distasteful the next time it comes up?

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